Why you're still exhausted even after the stressor is gone
The season ended. The crisis passed. The thing you were worried about resolved.
You should feel better. The stress is over. But your body didn't get the memo.
You're still tense. Still tired. Still on edge. Still waiting for the other shoe to drop. But both shoes and socks have already dropped and you survived. So why do you still feel like crap?
Here's what's happening: you removed the stressor, but you never completed the stress cycle.
And that's why you're stuck.
The stress cycle (and why farmers get trapped in it)
This concept comes from Emily and Amelia Nagoski's book Burnout. Here's the short version:
Stress is a physiological response. When you encounter a threat, your body activates. Your heart rate is up, cortisol is flowing, muscles tense. This is your body preparing to survive.
In the wild, this cycle has a natural completion. You see the lion, you run, you escape, you collapse in relief, you rest. Cycle complete. Body returns to baseline.
But modern stress doesn't work like that.
The stressor is the thing causing the stress: the broken equipment, the weather, the difficult customer, the money worries.
The stress is what's happening in your body. The activation, the tension, the cortisol.
Here's the problem: removing the stressor doesn't automatically complete the stress in your body.
You can fix the equipment and still be wound tight. The storm can pass and your nervous system stays braced. The customer problem gets resolved and you're still snapping at your family.
The stressor is gone. But the stress is still pinballing around in your body because you never let it out.
Why farmers get stuck in the tunnel
The Nagoskis describe emotions as tunnels. You have to go all the way through to get out.
But farmers don't go through. They get stuck in the middle.
Here's why:
You don't think you have time. There's always more to do. Stopping to process feels like a luxury you can't afford. So you push the stress down and keep moving.
You don't think you've earned it. Rest feels indulgent. Self-care feels soft. You'll take care of yourself when the work is done… but the work is never done.
You don't see the connection. You think if you fix the problem, you'll feel better. So you focus all your energy on removing stressors, not completing stress cycles. And you wonder why you still feel terrible even when things are objectively fine.
Farm life doesn't have natural completions. There's no finish line. No moment of collapse and relief. One season bleeds into the next. The stress just... accumulates. Without a clear ending, your body never gets the signal that it's safe to release.
So you stay stuck in the tunnel. Half-processed stress piling up in your body. Exhaustion that doesn't make sense given how things are going. A nervous system that's always braced for the next thing.
What actually completes the stress cycle
Your body NEEDS to complete the stress response whether or not the stressor gets resolved.
Even if you can't fix the problem, you can still move the stress through your body.
The Nagoskis identify several ways to complete the cycle. Here's what they look like for farmers:
Physical activity. This is the most effective. Your body prepared to run from the lion - it needs to discharge that energy. It doesn't have to be exercise. Walk to the back forty and back. Broadfork aggressively. Stack firewood. Pound some fence posts. Let your body move until you feel something shift.
Breathing. Deep, slow breaths signal safety to your nervous system. Not performative breathing while you're still doing tasks. Real breathing. Stop. Sit. Breathe. Two minutes. It helps more than you think. Without turning your head, look side to side (stress narrows our vision) to help your body get the somatic message that you’re safe now.
Positive social interaction. Connection tells your body you're safe. Have a real conversation, Not about the farm, not problem-solving, just being with another human. This is hard when you're isolated, but even a brief genuine interaction with a customer or neighbor can help.
Laughter. Real laughter, not polite laughter. The kind that takes over your body. Be with people who make you laugh. Let it be ridiculous and useless. That's the point.
Affection. Physical touch. A long hug (30 seconds or more to actually shift your nervous system). Holding hands. Physical closeness with someone safe. Your body needs to know it's not alone. Animals count too! Make time for belly rubs or shoulder scratches.
Crying. Crying is a completion. It's not weaknes. It's your body processing and releasing. If the tears are there, let them come. Don't stop them because you don't have time or you should be tougher. You’re body is trying to help you move through this.
Creative expression. Making something. It doesn't have to be good or productive or kept forever. Just the act of creating (drawing, writing, playing music, arranging flowers, building something useless), can move stuck energy.
This isn't self-care. It's maintenance.
I know what you're thinking: I don't have time for this.
But here's what I see in my clients: the farmers who skip this step stay stuck.
They remove stressor after stressor and never feel better. They're exhausted for reasons they can't explain. They're irritable, foggy, numb. They're running on fumes and calling it dedication.
They haven't earned rest, they think. They'll rest when things slow down.
But things don't slow down. And the stress keeps piling up in their bodies.
Completing the stress cycle isn't a luxury. It's not a reward for finishing everything. It's maintenance.
You wouldn't skip feeding the livestock because you're too busy. You can't skip this either.
Your body is keeping score whether you pay attention or not.
What this looks like in practice
You don't have to overhaul your life. You just have to build in small completions.
Daily:
10 minutes of physical movement that's not farm work (walk, stretch, dance in the kitchen)
2 minutes of real breathing (not while doing something else)
One genuine human connection (not transactional)
When stress is high:
Let yourself cry if it's there
Move your body harder - dig, chop, walk until you feel something release
Longer hug with your partner, your kid, your dog
After a crisis or hard season:
Don't just move to the next thing. Mark the ending.
Let your body know it's over - rest, celebration, physical release
Talk about it with someone. Let the story complete.
The permission you might need
You're allowed to need this.
You're allowed to take ten minutes to complete a stress cycle even when there's still work to do.
You're allowed to cry, rest, move, breathe - not because you've earned it, but because your body requires it.
This isn't soft. It's not indulgent. It's how human nervous systems work.
You're not weak for needing to complete the cycle. You're stuck because you haven't.
You can't think your way out of stress
You can't logic your way through a stress response. You can't convince your body that the stressor is gone.
You have to move the stress through.
Physical activity. Breathing. Connection. Laughter. Affection. Crying. Creating.
These aren't nice-to-haves. They're the exit from the tunnel.
The stressor might be over. But if you're still exhausted, still tense, still waiting for something bad to happen, your body is going to stay stuck in the cycle.
You have to complete it to get out.
If this resonated, you might also like:
The spoon theory for farmers — Why your energy is finite and stress completions restore spoons
What is farmer burnout? — What happens when the stress cycles never complete
How do I take a day off from farming? — Creating space for your body to finally release
You're doing a good job. Even when your body is still holding stress you haven't had time to release.
If you need help figuring out why you're still exhausted when things should be fine — or permission to take care of yourself before everything is finished — I'm here. You can schedule a free chat with me anytime at FarmCoachKatia.com/work-with-me.