When your brain stops working - Farming through perimenopause
You're not losing your mind.
You're losing estrogen.
And nobody warned you this would affect your business.
You used to be sharp.
You remembered things. You juggled a hundred tasks without dropping them. You made decisions quickly and trusted yourself.
Now?
You walk into a room and forget why you're there. You start a sentence and lose the word. You write things down and then forget where you wrote them.
You're dropping things. Missing things. Second-guessing things you know you used to know.
And the worst part? You don't trust yourself anymore.
You look at your own systems (systems that worked fine for years) and wonder if you set them up wrong. You question decisions you made last week. You feel like you're watching yourself from outside your body, wondering who this scattered, foggy, unreliable person is.
You're not losing your mind. You're in perimenopause. And nobody warned you it would hijack your brain.
This isn't a personal failure
Let's be clear about what's happening.
Estrogen affects your brain. Specifically, it affects memory, focus, word retrieval, and executive function - all the things you need to run a farm business.
When estrogen fluctuates (and in perimenopause, it fluctuates wildly), your brain doesn't work the same way it used to.
This isn't weakness. It's not aging badly. It's not "letting yourself go."
It's biology. And it's temporary. Though "temporary" can mean 2-10 years, which is a long time to feel like you're losing your grip…
The cruelest part? This often hits right when your business needs you most. You've been farming for years. You've built something real. And suddenly the brain that built it doesn't feel reliable anymore.
The things nobody talks about
Here's what perimenopause can do to a farmer's brain:
Memory gaps. You forget what you were doing. You forget what you decided. You forget conversations you had yesterday.
Word retrieval problems. The word is right there and you can't find it. You say the wrong word. You trail off mid-sentence.
Decision fatigue on steroids. Decisions that used to be easy now feel impossible. You second-guess everything.
Lost confidence. You don't trust your own judgment anymore. You wonder if you've always been this scattered and just didn't notice.
Emotional dysregulation. Small frustrations feel huge. You cry at things that wouldn't have bothered you before. You snap at people you love.
Exhaustion. Not just tired - DEPLETED. The kind of tired that sleep doesn't fix.
Brain fog. That cottony feeling where everything takes longer to process and nothing feels quite real.
And here's the thing: you're still running a farm. You're still making a thousand decisions a day. You're still responsible for everything.
No wonder you're struggling. Your brain is running on half its usual resources while your business demands full capacity.
You're not broken. Your systems might be.
Here's what I've learned working with women in perimenopause:
The systems that worked before might not work now. And that's not because you set them up wrong. It's because your brain has different needs than it used to.
You used to be able to hold things in your head. Now you can't. So you need systems that hold things FOR you.
You used to be able to trust your memory. Now you need external reminders, written records, visual cues.
You used to be able to power through. Now you need to work WITH your energy instead of against it.
This isn't a downgrade. It's an adaptation. And honestly? The systems you build now might be better than what you had before — because they don't rely on a brain working at peak capacity.
What actually helps
1. Stop trusting your memory
I mean it. Stop.
Not because your memory is bad (though it might feel that way). But because your memory is inconsistent right now. Some days it's fine. Some days it's Swiss cheese.
The fix is to stop relying on it at all.
Write everything down. Not in your head though. Put it on paper, in your phone, somewhere external. Every decision, every commitment, every task.
Yes, it feels tedious. Yes, it feels like something you shouldn't have to do. But it works.
One of my clients said: "I stopped fighting my brain and just accepted that I need to write everything down now. It's annoying but it's so much less stressful than trying to remember."
2. Build systems that don't require you to remember the system
If your system requires you to remember to check it, it's going to fail.
You need systems that come to you. Reminders that pop up. Visual cues in your environment. Checklists you can't miss.
Not because you're incompetent. Because you're dealing with a brain that's unreliable right now, and the system has to be smarter than your brain.
3. Constrain ruthlessly
Your capacity is reduced. That's not a judgment. It's just a fact right now.
So you need fewer things on your plate, not more.
Fewer products. Fewer markets. Fewer priorities. Fewer decisions.
Every additional thing you're managing is drawing from a smaller pool of cognitive resources. The math doesn't work anymore.
Constraint isn't giving up. It's strategic survival during a season when your brain needs you to ask less of it.
4. Make decisions once
Every time you revisit a decision, you're spending energy you don't have.
So make the decision once. Write it down. And when your brain tries to reopen it (which it will), you can look at your notes and say: "I already decided this. On Tuesday. Here's why."
You're not going crazy. Your past self DID think it through. You just can't remember the thinking right now. So leave yourself a trail.
5. Get external accountability
When you don't trust yourself, it helps to have someone else holding the thread.
Someone who remembers what you decided. Someone who can reflect back your own wisdom when you've forgotten it. Someone who can say "you're not crazy - we talked about this last week and here's what you said."
That's part of what coaching provides. I become your external memory, your accountability partner, your proof that you're not as scattered as you feel.
6. Stop comparing yourself to past you
This is the hard one.
You keep measuring yourself against the person you were at 35. The person who could hold it all in her head. The person who powered through on willpower.
That person isn't available right now. And beating yourself up for not being her is just adding suffering to an already hard situation.
You're a different person in a different season with a different brain. The goal isn't to get back to who you were. It's to figure out who you are now and build systems that work for THIS version of you.
What your past self knew (that you can trust)
Your past self set up those systems for a reason. She made those decisions based on real information. She knew things.
You can trust her.
Even when you can't remember why she did what she did.
If past-you decided something, there was probably a good reason. You don't have to relitigate every decision just because your current brain can't access the reasoning.
This is where external records help. When you write down not just WHAT you decided but WHY, future-you can look back and say "oh right, that makes sense" instead of spiraling into doubt.
This season won't last forever
Perimenopause is a transition, not a permanent state.
Your brain will stabilize. The fog will lift. You'll find a new normal.
But that could be years from now. And you have to run your farm business in the meantime.
So we're not waiting for it to pass. We're building systems and support that work right now, in this season, with this brain.
And honestly? Those systems will probably serve you better on the other side too. Because they don't depend on superhuman memory or endless capacity. They work for a real human with real limitations.
That's sustainable. That's what we're building.
You're not alone in this
If you're reading this and feeling seen for the first time, I want you to know: this is more common than you think.
So many women farmers are struggling with this silently. Thinking it's just them. Thinking they're failing. Thinking they should be able to handle it.
You're not failing. You're adapting to a major biological shift while running a business. That's incredibly hard. And you deserve support that understands what you're actually dealing with.
You built this farm with your brain. You can keep building it — you just need different tools for this season.
If that sounds like what you need, I'm here. You can schedule a free chat with me anytime at FarmCoachKatia.com/work-with-me.
You're doing a good job. Even when your brain is making everything harder.
If this resonated, you might also like:
You're the strong one and you're exhausted by it — When carrying everything catches up with you
The energy drain of unmade decisions — Why open loops exhaust you and how to close them
You are the most important asset on your farm — Why taking care of yourself isn't optional