The hidden cost of being busy (and what it's costing you)
"I'm so busy."
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe today. Maybe in the last hour.
It rolls off the tongue so easily. It's the default answer to "how are you?" It's the explanation for the unreturned text, the missed event, the thing you forgot.
And in a culture that glorifies productivity, "busy" feels like the right thing to say. It signals that you're working hard. That you matter. That you're in demand.
But busy comes with a hidden cost. One you might not see until it's already done its damage.
Busy is a dirty fuel — and it costs you more than you think
In a productivity-based society, there's social admiration for the hustlers. The ones who do it all. The ones who never stop.
Don't believe me? How often have you heard:
"I have no idea how she gets it all done!"
"She's like the energizer bunny out there!"
"I mean, I could never do that, but she's on FIRE!"
It feels good to hear. It validates the sacrifice. It makes the exhaustion feel worth it.
But here's what happens next.
That admiration slowly turns into something else: moderation on your behalf.
The people in your life start protecting you from your busy-ness. They start filtering requests. They start making decisions about your time without asking you.
"Yeah, she's really busy right now..."
"Oh, she's got a lot on her plate."
"You know, it's a lot for her with the farm and the kids and all."
They're not being unkind. They're responding to what you've been telling them.
The unintentional sales pitch
Every time you say "I'm so busy," you're making an unintentional pitch:
If I'm so busy with all my stuff, I don't have time for you.
You don't mean it that way. But that's what lands.
And when friends and family start to feel like engaging with you is too much of an ask, they withdraw. They stop reaching out. They stop inviting. They stop asking.
And they actively encourage others to leave you alone.
No wonder farming can feel so isolating.
And here we are, unintentionally amplifying that isolation with every "I'm so busy" we throw out.
Comparison makes it worse
Constantly comparing ourselves to others amplifies the busy trap.
You see another farmer doing markets AND a CSA AND wholesale AND posting on Instagram every day. And you think, "I should be doing more."
So you take on more than you can handle. And then you're genuinely overwhelmed. And then "busy" becomes your identity, not just your schedule.
The word stops being a description and starts being a shield.
A shield that keeps people out.
The moment I knew it had to change
I used to wear busy like a badge of honor. I thought it proved I was dedicated. That I was a good farmer, a good business owner, a good mom.
Until my daughter started prefacing every single interaction with:
"I know you're busy, but..."
Every time she wanted my attention, she apologized first. She had learned that my time was limited. That she was an interruption. That she needed to justify taking up space in my day.
I didn't teach her that on purpose. But I taught her that all the same.
So I made a decision. I banished "busy" from my vocabulary. I stopped saying it. I stopped thinking it. I stopped letting it be my default.
I never told her I was doing this. I didn't announce it. I just stopped.
And then one day, she walked up to me and said:
"Do you have a minute?"
No apology. No qualifier. Just a simple question.
I ugly cried in the shower that night.
She had picked up on the shift immediately. I was no longer giving her the unintentional vibe that everything else on the farm was more important than her.
That moment was worth every awkward pause when I had to find a different word.
What busy is really costing you
When you live in "busy," you pay in ways you don't always see:
Your relationships. People stop reaching out. They assume you don't have time. They protect you from invitations you might have actually wanted.
Your kids. They learn to apologize for needing you. They learn that your attention is scarce and they shouldn't ask for too much of it.
Your health. Busy becomes the excuse to skip the appointment, ignore the symptom, push through the exhaustion.
Your business. You stay reactive instead of strategic. You never have time to work ON the business because you're too busy working IN it.
Your joy. When's the last time you did something just because you wanted to? Busy people don't have that luxury. Or so they tell themselves.
It's hard to let go of busy
I know. "Busy" has been your answer for years. Maybe decades.
It feels uncomfortable to say something different. It feels almost like you're lying. Or bragging. Or admitting weakness.
But I promise, it's worth it. The people around you notice your mindset shift immediately. They feel the difference even if they can't name it.
You become more approachable. More available. More human.
Not because your schedule changed. But because your energy did.
What to say instead
You don't have to pretend you have endless free time. You can still acknowledge that your capacity is full without making "busy" your identity.
Try these:
"I'm really focused on ______ right now." This is specific. It tells people where your attention is without signaling that you're drowning.
"My calendar is fully committed." This is neutral. It's a fact about your schedule, not a statement about your worth.
"I'm overextended right now." This one helped me the most. It puts the accountability back on me. I'm the one who overextended. I'm the one who can reel it back in.
"I'm prioritizing ______ this season." This signals intention. You're not just reacting to chaos. You're choosing where your energy goes.
"I don't have capacity for that right now." This is honest without being dramatic. It's a boundary, not a complaint.
What do you stand to gain?
What would change if you let go of busy?
Maybe your daughter stops apologizing for needing you.
Maybe your partner stops assuming you're unavailable.
Maybe your friends start inviting you again.
Maybe you stop feeling so isolated on this farm.
Maybe you start feeling like a person again, not just a machine that produces.
You don't have to slow down to stop being "busy." You just have to stop telling that story.
The farm will still be there. The work will still get done. But the people in your life will feel the shift.
And so will you.
If this resonated, you might also want to read:
You're running on fumes and calling it dedication — When hustle becomes your identity
The mental load of being a farm mom — The invisible weight you're carrying
Why you can't keep up with farm work (and what to do about it) — When the math doesn't work
You're doing a good job. Even when you're busy.
If you need help building a farm that doesn't require "busy" as a badge of honor, I'm here. You can schedule a free chat with me anytime at www.FarmCoachKatia.com/work-with-me.